Tom Miller sat looking at the fax he'd received from a major Texas corporation that wanted to interview him again for its newly created position of vice president of information. After a successful preliminary meeting, the company's executive team had invited Mr. Miller, his wife and daughter to spend a long weekend in Dallas. This trip would give the Millers a chance to spend time with the company's top managers and their families at their homes, plus visit a few well-known haunts (including the CEO's backyard) known for Texas hospitality.

Mr. Miller had mixed feelings about the trip. He was enthusiastic about the company and position, but he wasn't excited about the proposition of so much conversation over food, especially with his wife and teenage daughter in attendance.

Although he was used to talking regularly with top executives at his present company, Mr. Miller was more comfortable meeting over charts and graphs in a conference room than veal piccata at a fancy restaurant. He didn't know if his dislike for talking business while eating came from his small-town upbringing or his preference for conversing with computers more than people, but it was a discomfort he couldn't ignore.

To complicate the situation, his spouse had her own career and wasn't a good candidate for playing the role of "dutiful corporate wife." And his daughter was an unknown quantity, who could be tremendously charming or a female version of Beavis. Yet after hearing about the invitation, both seemed intrigued by the opportunity to get to know the city, its lifestyle and his potential company better. Filled with a combination of enthusiasm and trepidation, Mr. Miller called the CEO to say he and his family would be delighted to visit for a few days at the end of the month. His gambit paid off, and he was rewarded with a great new job.

A Smart Policy

If you've received an invitation to interview at mealtime recently, perhaps with your spouse and children in attendance, you're not alone. Restaurant interviews appear to be a new trend, as more companies focus on getting to know potential executives thoroughly before extending job offers. They recognize it's a smart policy to see potential hires in a social setting, while using the relaxed environment to sell their location and work force with equal zeal.

Hiring managers say that interviewing candidates during breakfast, lunch, dinner or a weekend barbecue is a good way to talk business while keeping an eye on their dining partner's social savvy. The belief is that one can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she eats.

Of course, humans have been eating their way to lasting relationships since they started gathering in tribes. Breaking bread together has been the catalyst for signing treaties, sealing deals, starting businesses and solidifying teams for thousands of years. As the social lubricant that greases the wheels of commerce, meals often provide the venue for determining whether we get the job or the contract -- or not. Consequently, whether you enthusiastically or reluctantly embrace the agenda behind power lunching, you must accept it if you plan to be a player in the economic game.

If you're in the position of unhappily eyeing a fax like Mr. Miller's, here are some tips that should help get you (and your family) through mealtime meetings with the savoir-faire of Miss Manners.

WHEN IN DOUBT, take a cue from your host.

In a restaurant setting, when ordering an appetizer or dessert, or choosing an appropriately priced entree, use your host as a guide. If he's raving about the beefsteak tomato and mozzarella salad as a great start for your meal, he's going to select an appetizer as well as an entree. If she's ordering chicken and you've been salivating over the chateaubriand, choose a less-expensive option. If he insists the waiter bring the dessert menu, he wants you to have one, too.

Most hosts understand that their guests are looking to them for guidance. In fact, you may want to evaluate your host's character based on whether he or she helps you feel comfortable in a somewhat awkward situation. Good hosts, as well as good bosses, recognize the value of a supportive environment.

TO DRINK OR not to drink?

For the most part, mixed drinks at meals are a no-no. Yet the option to order wine or beer can still be an issue. The best rule of thumb is that when in doubt, don't. If you do, confine yourself to one round, or two at the most if it's a long meal. The last thing you need is impaired judgment or a hyperbolized sense of your knack for clever repartee.

Should your potential employer drink too much, discreetly suggest to a restaurant employee that a cab is needed. It's not your responsibility to take the interviewer's keys. He isn't your friend yet. And, given such initial behavior, it's unlikely you'll want him to be.

AVOID EXOTIC or messy menu choices.

Food should enhance your conversation, not detract from it. Select a meal that doesn't require twirling, cracking, digging, sawing, picking or finger licking, and avoid appetizers and entrees that splash, squirt, drip, form viscous strings or roll around on your plate. Unless you've raised lobster-eating to an art form so that your culinary ballet will enhance your professional reputation, order the sole.

On the other hand, hamburgers and ribs at backyard barbecues are inherently messy. Being nit-picky about getting greasy will only set you apart from the crowd. Dig in and enjoy. If you aren't covered in sauce, you'll look out of place.

DOWNPLAY dietary preferences.

Many professionals are vegetarians. Others may have allergies to certain foods or want to maintain a low-fat diet. If your food options are limited, keep your preferences low-key. Although you may be trying to avoid eating more than 40 grams of fat per day, your breakfast companion doesn't need to be privy to this information, nor do you want to make her feel guilty for ordering bacon, eggs and home fries. Find something on the menu you can eat, or quietly ask the waiter to substitute fruit for fries. Food martyrs can be most unpleasant company.

BRUSH UP ON your table manners.

While we often ribbed my mother during large family dinners about being more interested in the abundance of silverware than the quantity of food, most siblings don't have a weekly drill on which utensils to use for what. Some people acquire this information along the way. Others don't.

If you're befuddled by table etiquette, you're not alone. However, as with our American system of law, ignorance of appropriate behavior is no excuse. Should the thought of eating at a fine restaurant where fish forks and finger bowls are de rigueur make you long for a can of soup and a big spoon, take heart. There are numerous professionals who make their living teaching adults how to master the intricacies of whether to use a spoon or fork with English trifle. In fact, many companies will pay for you to learn this information so you can close a deal at the Four Seasons with uncommon aplomb. You might also read "Corporate Protocol: A Brief Case for Business Etiquette" by Valerie Grant-Sokolosky.

WHAT ABOUT smoking?

Whatever your feelings about this controversial habit, the less said and done the better. Never smoke unless your companion lights up first. If you're an avid nonsmoker and your lunch partner asks for a table in the smoking section, grin and bear it. If you're allergic to smoke and you'll have a coughing/sneezing fit if seated among smokers, diplomatically request a nonsmoking table, and watch the reaction of your host. If he quickly acquiesces, your relationship may have a chance. If he's obviously annoyed, he probably insists on a smoking environment at work as well.

Why Must I Interview Over Lunch?

Aside from the camaraderie dining lends to an occasion, two other important issues also take place at the table. If you've been asked to interview over food with one or more of your potential managers or colleagues, you'll be evaluated on how you handle yourself in a social situation.

Many positions require entertaining or deal-making away from the office. Being a good negotiator isn't enough if you don't know how to conduct yourself properly in a social setting. Your spouse also may have to play a role in entertaining clients or accompanying you to conventions or corporate meetings. Management wants to see that he or she will be active in supporting your career and can hold his or her own in pleasant conversation for several hours at dinner. While children don't rate such careful scrutiny, there may be a perceived correlation between raising well-behaved children and building an effective team.

If you think this thinly veiled excuse for running you and your family through a social gauntlet is anachronistic and inappropriate, look for employment elsewhere. But be prepared to severely limit your choices.

The other major issue during the meal is whether you and the organization would be a good match. Employment, not the best steak in town, is the real reason you're meeting. Before heading for the restaurant, decide on the questions you need to ask and achievements you want to cover. Should the conversation begin to wander from its original purpose, referring to your pre-determined agenda will help you and your companion do the work you both intended. Then, by the time you're lingering over coffee, you'll have decided whether you want to frequent Arturo's once you're the new marketing director.

A final note: Please ignore the previous paragraph if a non-American asks you to dine with him or her. Executives from many other countries believe that talking business during a meal is uncivilized. With a citizen of the world, it's wise to confine your conversation to more general subjects until you're back at the office. Otherwise, you may be labeled "an ugly American."