Richard Sassaman's neighbor came over one recent day and handed him a $200 check. She knew he'd been laid off, and wanted to help.

Mr. Sassaman, who in January lost his job designing sales training programs at Aetna Inc., politely declined the money and says he was "flabbergasted" by her show of concern. He'd been downsized from other jobs in 1996 and 1997, and his neighbors in Hellertown, Pa., hardly responded.

"It was like when people are uncomfortable talking to a handicapped person," he says. "That's how they talked to me."

The downturn of 2002 seems much more communal than those of recent decades. Losing a job is now a public experience that begins with a company's media pronouncement about layoffs. Long gone are the days when a man would get laid off and carry his briefcase through the neighborhood, pretending to go to work. Now, people get axed and e-mail everyone they know with the news. They build "I need a job" Web sites and invite friends to their pink-slip parties.

But in this new culture of openness, interactions can be tricky. What are the best ways to tell people about your layoff -- or to respond when people tell you about theirs?

Bob Schwartz of Birmingham, Mich., recently bumped into his rabbi and mentioned that he'd lost his job at IBF Foods Co. He didn't realize that the well-intentioned rabbi would send an e-mail to hundreds of congregants, describing him and fishing for job leads.

Personal Experience: I know well the mixed emotions that follow public exposure of a job loss. Before returning to The Wall Street Journal last month, I was laid off as a columnist at the Chicago Sun-Times. Friends, colleagues and readers were very supportive, but after 14 years at a job I loved, their good wishes often became painful reminders of a closed chapter in my life.

My experience taught me that you must be careful about sharing too many details of your predicament. Some good rules: If you feel the urge to whine, tell all to your spouse (or closest confidante), less to your friends, and little to future employers. Resist making the situation sound worse than it is. If you were laid off, don't use the word "fired." And when talking to your kids, be honest but positive. I felt humbled telling my three daughters that I'd lost my job. They asked hard questions: "Will we have to sell our house?" "Are you sad, Daddy?" But giving them upbeat answers helped me remain upbeat, too.

As you tell others about your job loss, it's also important to have realistic expectations. Some people may have ulterior motives for their concern. Jim Weise was executive director of Park Lawn, an Illinois agency for people with disabilities. After losing his job in September, he sent letters to colleagues at other agencies. Many who responded had an agenda, he says. "They wanted to understand what happened to me, so the same thing doesn't happen to them." Lesson learned: "No one, except your family, cares as deeply as you do about what happened to you," he says.

Kindness of Friends? Many people, of course, may feel concerned enough to keep asking how you're doing. That's problematic, too.

Lori Weiss was laid off last year as executive producer at Detroit's WWJ-TV. "People meant well, but all they wanted to hear about was how things were going with the job search," she says. "They couldn't understand why things weren't happening faster for me. I'd wonder, 'Are they judging me? Do they think I don't want to work?' "

Until you land a job, others will define you by your unemployment. Yes, it's consoling to get empathetic hugs when the ax falls. But months later, when you're still job-hunting and they're still hugging, you may wish they'd let go. It gets uncomfortable being viewed as a tragic figure, with neighbors waving cash at you. If only you had walked the neighborhood with your briefcase. You could have gotten exercise and fresh air, without the pity.

Of course, what you might not have gotten is a job. These days, it takes a village to raise a job prospect. Companies are flooded with online resumes. As a result, human contact is often the only way to break through.

Don't sit at your computer blindly e-mailing resumes. Fifty percent of professionals today find employment through networking -- compared with only 3% via the Web -- according to a study by Drake Beam Morin, a human-resource consulting firm. Clearly, the way to get a job is to keep telling people you need one.

A New Beginning: A transition, such as a job loss, is a process, but there are moments when you turn a corner.

For me, such a moment came on my last day at my former newspaper. At lunchtime, I gave a speech to a senior-citizens group that had invited me before I was laid off. It was a tough hour, having to reminisce publicly about a job that no longer existed.

At one point, I told the audience about the time I interviewed actor Christopher Reeve. From his wheelchair, he'd explained to me that he's capable of fathering more children but had opted not to do so. Kids need to be hugged, he said, and his paralysis leaves him unable to do that.

During the Q&A session after my speech, a woman raised her hand. "Perhaps losing your job was a great gift," she said. "Now you'll have more time to hug your children."

She helped me put my job loss in perspective. When I got home that night and saw my young daughters, her words remained with me.