When you lose your job, you also may lose your ability to think clearly... at least at first. The initial shock can give way quickly to desperation and panic. The result is a burst of energy that ultimately can be counterproductive.

It's easy to think, "I need a job. I need a job now...any job. Right now." And so you begin burning up the phone lines, calling former colleagues and recruiter contacts, grasping for straws as you work yourself into a frenzy. This is a huge mistake. Your anger and fear come across as desperation. Slow down and compose yourself before calling anyone.

Your first order of business is to tell your family and the people close to you who are directly affected by your loss. How you talk to your family and, for that matter, yourself makes a difference in easing your career transition. These discussions, however painful, are the first step to getting back on solid ground.

No one ever plans for this conversation. There's no easy or comfortable way to broach the subject. Still, abiding by the following tips can make talking about job loss less painful for everyone involved.

Don't wait for the "right time" to tell your family. There is none. Don't kid yourself by thinking, "I don't want to upset them" or "I don't want her to worry." You won't do anyone a favor by sparing them the truth.

This point applies particularly to your spouse or partner. Your first reaction might be to call from your car after you leave the office. If your job loss shocked or upset you, imagine how those who love you will feel. Breaking the news over the phone is a bad idea for two reasons. First, you don't want to risk a loved one being alone when you call. There may be no one available to provide the support he or she might need. What's more, calling your spouse or partner at work or while with others in a public place can backfire because he or she might become overly emotional. Wait until you both are at home and can discuss it in private.

Be realistic about what happened. Try to be factual and avoid dramatics. Don't try to tone down the news or rationalize it. Your loved ones will be trying to process what happened and need to come to their own conclusions.

How did you respond when you were told that you had lost your job? Shock, anger, confusion, fear? Did you react out loud, yell or scream? Did you cry or were you stunned into silence trying to comprehend it all? Remember that feeling, because family members likely will respond similarly after you give them the news.

When you break it to them, you still may be upset, but you at least will be past the initial surprise or sickness. Prepare for them to have a similar response.

You're likely to receive the comfort and support you expect at home, but be prepared for your family to undergo many of the same emotions that you experienced. This news will hit them as personally as it did you.

This first conversation is not about solving the problem, it's for explaining the situation. They may ask, "What will we do?" or expect an instant answer. Unfortunately, you probably don't have one. You only can reassure them. You might say, "I don't know what is next or what it will mean, but my first priority is to work it out. I know that we'll be OK."

Some family members may jump right in and try to fix the situation immediately: "Here's what you need to do." That may be their style and how they believe they can help. Wanting to offer comfort by "fixing it" right away is a typically male response, but it may not be what you need. Speak up.

Before you make any major choices or begin thinking about your prospects or next move, find your bearings and recover from the initial blow. Regardless of the cause of your job loss, your challenge is to restore your family's confidence in you at a time when your own self-confidence is shaken. It may take time.

You may have been one of 1,000 or more employees to receive a pink slip. Your job loss even may be due to a massive restructuring that made national headlines. Your loved ones really could care less. There's little comfort in knowing that others lost their jobs, too. To them, it's personal, and all that matters is what happened to you and what it means for them.

Be honest with your kids and tell them in age-appropriate terms what happened. For younger children, you might simply say, "Daddy is going to get a new job, and he may be around home for a while until then." It may mean telling them that you aren't going to eat out as much and they'll need to take better care of their toys and clothes. Explain how they can help. Younger children may not fully understand what this means, but they can notice changes and sense stress and are likely to be concerned.

Let your kids know that any changes will be temporary. It's important that they see stability at home. Your child needs to know that while employment situations change, your love is a constant.

Gaining Perspective

No matter how brave a face you put on in front of others, internally, a job loss can rattle even the most optimistic and self-confident professional.

"My life is over." "I'm a giant fraud. "I'm a failure." "I'll never work again." Sound familiar? If you aren't careful, you can easily let your thoughts spiral out of control, shaking your confidence to the core and causing you to become consumed by self-doubt, negativity and irrational thoughts.

These gloomy fictions are the lies people sometimes tell themselves when they're feeling down. They are not based on fact, nor are they productive. They also have no place in your comeback. They are like enormous potholes in the road.

The following exercise can help test the logic of your thinking.

Below are a few common exaggerated statements that people who have experienced a career setback may tell themselves. I'm sure that you have your own choice ones. Feel free to add them to this list. As you read each one (and your own) ask yourself objectively, "Is this true?" "Is it based on fact?" "Is this thought-productive and will it help me to get what I want?"

• I'll never work again.
• My spouse will leave me.
• I'm going to lose the house and will live under the freeway.
• I'm too old/too young.

Let's look at some of these statements rationally. Take, "I'll never work again." Are you sure about that? It may be true that you may never work again as a vice president of business development in the telecommunications industry. It may be true that you will never work again as an e-commerce-solutions consultant or a flight attendant...but will you work again? Yes, if you want to.

How about, "I'm going to lose the house and will have to live under the freeway." Let's see, do you have a roof over your head right now? Are you current with your rent or mortgage? Is the sheriff at the door threatening to evict you? If you must downsize or sell your house, could you move to a smaller home, an apartment or a different part of town? And if that doesn't work out, as unpleasant as it may be, could you stay with your parents, in-laws, brother, or another relative or friend until you get back on your feet?

As you're reading this, you're actually about four or five major steps from being homeless and living under a bridge, so drop it.

The point of this exercise is to make you realize how exaggerated and unproductive some of your thinking can be. If a thought isn't helping you to move forward, improve your relationship with others or find a job, you shouldn't be thinking it. You don't have time.

The world is still spinning around you, but at least you have started to gain control and find solid ground. The challenge is to begin moving ahead.