Lynn Wasthoff used to interact almost entirely with women at work. Then
earlier this year she switched from a job in payroll sales to become a
business-relationship manager at a cleaning company and had to interact
with mostly male facility managers.
The change was jarring. Ms. Westhoff says her confidence evaporated, and
she often had trouble getting her points across to her new audience. "They
weren't responding, and I was freezing up," she says.
But Ms. Westhoff, who is 52 years old and lives in Oakdale, N.Y.,
altered her communication style with the help of a coach and now says she
speaks with more authority.
"Men don't want to hear all that fluff," she says. "You have to know who
your audience is, and you have to acknowledge that there are different ways
of speaking to people."
There is a danger in being simplistic when discussing how men and women
communicate in the workplace. Speech habits and body language vary from
person to person regardless of gender. Some use styles that seem more
characteristic of the opposite sex. But whether the result of early
socialization or the chemistry in our brains, the differences are worth
paying attention to in the workplace, career-development experts say.
A recent study by Catalyst, a New York-based nonprofit organization that
works to advance women in business, highlights how important these
differences are, particularly for women. The report -- "Women and Men in
U.S. Corporate Leadership: Same Workplace, Different Realities?" -- found
81% of women said that "adopting a style with which male managers are
comfortable" is an important or very important strategy to advance one's
career. (For comparison, 39% of male respondents agreed.)
Many career-development experts suggest that since the organization and
culture at most companies have been shaped over time by male executives,
women are at a disadvantage when it comes to gender-based differences in
communication styles.
Communication styles rooted in childhood training or unconscious beliefs
can be tough to change. A first step is becoming more aware of how you talk
at work. If you feel that you aren't being heard in meetings or have
trouble persuading managers of your ability or accomplishments, get
feedback from others, advises Ruth Sherman, a speech and communications
consultant and author of "Get Them to See It Your Way, Right Away."
Ms. Sherman suggests asking a colleague you trust to watch you during a
meeting and provide analysis. Networking events are a good venue for trying
out new behaviors. A performance review is also a good opportunity to seek
feedback from a manager, but because stylistic differences can be subtle,
she warns, "Sometimes the boss won't be able to articulate what the problem
is."
Ms. Sherman has worked with men and women on nonverbal as well as verbal
communication. One client who is a lawyer at a large firm often stood apart
from a conference table at meetings, rather than ask others to make room
for her. A male executive came across as too reserved during meetings. She
coached both to be more assertive.
Lois P. Frankel, author of "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office,"
points out a number of communication pitfalls that women especially can
encounter in the workplace. She says women sometimes use too many words to
deliver serious messages, tend to downplay their contributions and
sometimes undermine themselves by using qualifiers and other vague
language. Other common pitfalls: phrasing statements as questions and using
an upward inflection at the end of statements, which indicates doubt.
On the other hand, by using few words some men can appear to close off
conversations too quickly, while others tend to overemphasize their
individual performance when, in fact, a team is responsible for results.
Many men and women need to do a better job of being direct in their
communication while "adding inclusive behavior at the end of their
conversations, " says Ms. Frankel.
Experts say sensitivity to communication styles should start even before
you're hired. "Take the cue from the organization," says David Schmier,
president of GetHired.com, a job-search training company in New York. He
advises job seekers to figure out the communication style at the level of
the company, department and hiring manager and try to match it during job
interviews and other interactions with the company.
Recalling the experience of one job seeker, he acknowledges this can
occasionally be more of a challenge for women. One female executive he
coached reiterated her skills with confidence at the end of a job interview
over the phone, but later worried that she had been too aggressive.
"She was concerned that she was selling too hard at the end, and that
they didn't want to hear that from a woman," he says. The job is still
open, and the candidate still in the running, according to Mr. Schmier, who
says she found out through a recruiter that the company thought her
performance was just fine.