The castle sat on 1,000 wooded acres 20 miles south of London. Here King Henry VIII met Anne Boleyn. And here I found myself on a snowy December night, standing in line dressed in my best dark navy suit and silk tie in a hardwood-floored library with 20-foot ceilings.

The Christmas party band blared at the far end of the room. With our British shipping manager, Colin Bates, I edged my way toward the world's wealthiest man, J. Paul Getty. I was the human resources manager for Getty Oil's international division, visiting from Los Angeles.

Mr. Getty stood before a fireplace receiving guests.

I wanted to let Mr. Getty know how well my inspection of the shipping group's human-resources policies had gone. The shipping office, responsible for our oil tankers, was housed at the castle, and Mr. Getty was fond of it.

"Mr. Getty, this is Dr. Earley from Los Angeles," said Mr. Bates. He moved aside to let us speak, chatting with another guest.

J. Paul Getty shook my hand firmly. His hand seemed large.

"It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Getty," I said clearly, looking straight into his eyes. His head shook back and forth with what I'd heard was palsy. But he was radiant, his blue eyes potent.

"I've been meeting with Colin, and I'm very impressed with the job the shipping staff is doing," I added.

J. Paul Getty was a tremendous presence, eyeing me intently. I was dying of nervousness.

I don't remember how we got to the joke he told me or even what it was now, but I do remember that I desperately hoped I'd laugh at the right time, which I did.

"Paul, here's..." the hostess directed his attention to someone else.

Our meeting had lasted four minutes. I edged to the left, waiting for Colin. As Mr. Getty and the other guest shook hands, I overheard him say, "That young man from Los Angeles said everything's top-notch with Liberian operations."

I had gotten J. Paul Getty's attention. I was thrilled. Colin and I worked well together for years, and his Los Angeles shipping counterparts appreciated our relationship. I never knew if Mr. Getty ever commented about me while speaking to Los Angeles management, but it's possible. Since I was one of few executives to meet Mr. Getty, I had let management know I was a player.

If you're like me, you may struggle to find meaning in business social events. But socializing is critical to business success.

Business parties are business. How you work an event can increase your opportunities or put your career on hold. Socializing well takes planning, skill and determination--and often a mentor to point the way.

I got to know all 300 of Getty's corporate employees early in my career by attending office parties and picnics, and participating in the bowling league, softball teams and golf tournaments. Doing this kept me in the know, helped to secure favors and mentors and made my 15 years of driving to our corporate office on Wilshire Boulevard more enjoyable.

To help you use business social events to your advantage, apply these seven tips.

Ask yourself: "What do I want to happen at this event?" Knowing what you want to accomplish helps you prepare and provides meaning for being there. Go to events knowing what you want to happen, whether it's to rub elbows, learn scuttlebutt or plea for a pet project.

Find out beforehand who'll be there. When our finance department held an open house for a retiring supervisor, I studied the organizational chart to learn the names of people I might meet. I rarely said, "If I'd only known so-and-so was going to be there."

Tell yourself, "My presence alone produces valuable results." This reduces the pressure to perform and relaxes you. Just being there is valuable.

Rarely do top executives mill around waiting for others to arrive. Take a hint from their behavior, and arrive later if there's no reason to be early. How late depends on the event and who might arrive early, which is worth considering before making your plans.

Watch your body language. As you enter a room, your body language announces your feelings. You can skulk in a room as Johnny Timid or behave as someone whose presence produces valuable results. Smile and shake hands. You may have to act more positive and confident than you feel, but you'll soon be fine.

Attendees often gather in cliques. This can strand new arrivals, who stand alone, fearing everyone is looking at them. Grab a Perrier, walk around and seek an opening in a group. Be careful to observe boundaries, and don't crowd into a group uninvited. Also drink and eat moderately.

"Work the room" by touching as many bases as you can. Let opportunities present themselves, and connect and respond to all who open up to you.

Make your presence felt in creative and kind ways. A sense of humor, smile, pat on the back, encouraging words, recognition and praise are all excellent motivational gestures, more so if done in front of others. I was much more pleased when our dean of students complimented me on my class in front of the college president.

Be ready to take the initiative when you encounter top managers. "Figure out what your message is" in advance, says Granville Toogood, a Darien, Conn., consultant who coaches employees. By knowing what you want to say, you'll come across as "smart, focused, articulate and insightful," he says.

Most people are reluctant to show their ambitions. But meeting those in power can boost your career. Make an impression in the room, if only by smiling from a distance. Show that you're competent, motivated and fit in. Look composed and dress professionally. If in doubt, dress up, not down.

It's impossible to reach the top of a major company without at least one good mentor. The executive suite is a club, and you must be invited to join by current members. Social events are gold mines for finding helpful mentors.

5. Cultivate friendships, but avoid romance.

Friendships happen naturally and organically as part of working together. If I could choose, my best friend would be my boss, the person who has tremendous impact over my job assignments, raises and career development. As for romance, "I don't recommend it to anyone, even though I met my husband that way, and we're quite happy," one of my elder students says. She cites office gossip, the need for secrecy and pressure on the relationship because it developed in the office as likely obstacles.

Know when you want to leave and tell your host. When the time comes, feel confident that your departure is expected. Stay only as long as you're relatively comfortable.

Be clear in your goodbyes, and know that leaving is fine. Smile, wave or shake hands with your host, main friends and key contacts. Outside, take a deep breath and say to yourself, "That went well."

Phone or send a thank-you note after an event if it seems appropriate. Forced gestures are usually ineffective.

One of the joys of socializing is the people you meet. It's fun to encounter someone from the computer center whom you met at the retirement party.

In rare, but real, cases, you'll form true bonds, gain mentors and help protégés. This makes socializing worthwhile. People want to help those they like and respect. But they can't start liking you if you don't give them a chance to know you. Here's where socializing comes in.

At a time when teamwork, communication and human understanding are highly prized, having contacts means power and promotability, whether it's with the likes of J. Paul Getty or a clerk in the mailroom. Socializing well will help you make these key contacts.